just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
