Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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