i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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