I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
