p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
