Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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