he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
