i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
