In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
