Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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