The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
