I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
