A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it hurts more in the daytime
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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