p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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