3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
