Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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