I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
