Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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