I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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