did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
even my farts smell like vagina
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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