As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
