You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
