You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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