I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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