if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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