Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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