Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
