Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
