you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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