Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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