Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
