I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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