Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
