You just made me feel so damn special
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
