the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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