I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
