Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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