So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
