I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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