It's Friday. Sex?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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