Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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