I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
