Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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