Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
