how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
