i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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