grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
