That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
