I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
