There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
