I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
