My liver just broke up with me...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let's get the cat blown out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
