I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
