she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
