it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
