How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
