I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
